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My wonderful, beloved husband Al died yesterday from complications of liver cancer. He was in the hospital since June 9, six days in intensive care and then in the supportive hospital hospice. His pain was beyond belief but I advocated for him in my usual pushy Brooklyn way to keep him comfortable. I told his oncologist that while he may be a good doctor he had the bedside manner of a “toad.” He was in an excellent hospital which tended to his every need with me ready to do battle if his needs were not met.
He never recovered from his chemo embolization on May 17th. I was with Al every second of his struggle to live. He tried so very hard not to leave me, but finally asked me to “let him go. Please let me go. I want to leave this earth. I hate this world.” He went through stages of anger which is a normal part of the process of leaving. For 26 years I have prayed that Al would accept Jesus Christ. As he lay dying, I prayed so hard as I talked to him and held him for so many hours whispering in his ear how much God loved him and was embracing him. In the end, he released the anger and accepted the Lord. I do not how I will live without him, but I know by the peaceful soft and calm look on his face that he saw his future with God and was at peace. My prayers were answered and I thank God with every breath I have.
I cannot bear the thought of not touching him again, kissing his dear lips, and bantering back and forth. He was my rock, my solace, my foundation, my hero. His character was that of integrity, ethics, loyalty, honesty and a work ethic that was amazing. I have not done finances in 26 years. I was 39 when I married and my idea of balancing the checkbook was to change banks every four months. I have not touched a checkbook since he found out about my balancing act. I have not put oil in my vans in 26 years.
I had already bred a couple of my girls, but doubt if I will be be equipped to show for a long while, so the puppies will go to wonderful homes as pets. I know God has plans for me but right now I mourn and will mourn it seems like forever right now. I loved Al and he loved me. What more can be said. Rest in peace, my darling “Albie.” I love you forever and so look forward to being with you again, seeing you basking in the light.
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